What Your Phone Background Says About You
Kara Menard
Sep 22, 2018
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Here's a relatable moment: you try to pull up your calendar on your phone and the receptionist at your dentist's office catches a glimpse of your background, which is a scantily glad Gisele Bundchen. You freak out internally and wonder if she thinks you're a disgusting pig who just likes pictures of scantily clad models as theiriPhonebackground. Then you see your freeway exit and realize your freakout lasted the entire 45 minutes it took to drive from your dentist's office to your apartment. Then you know how important a phone background is. Here's what your dentist's receptionish is thinking about you, based on your phone background:

THE MOON



You need a little zen-ness in your life and a tasteful moon background provides just that.

THE STARS



You need a little zen-ness in your life but you're sick of the moon background you've had for eight months.

RIVERDALE



You're either 13 or 30. Either way. you're very much intoRiverdale. Betty is your spirit animal. But also kind of Jughead. You're not sure how that happened. Regardless, you love good TV. CW for life.

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE + FLOWERS



The one-two punch of a quote AND flowers provides just enoughoomphto get you through your day. And you need all theoomphyou can get.

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE + MARBLE



You're a fashion vlogger, Instagram model, and social media consultant. Marble is life and life is marble. You are all about staying humble by posting a pic of your mom butt in $250 Re/Done jeans while in the VIP section at Coachella.

A MINDFULNESS REMINDER




Your life is a little crazy, and sometimes you just need a glittery pause sign to calm things down.

YOUR KID




You often forget that you have a kid. And if you do manage to remember, you're a little fuzzy on what exactly they look like. They've only been around for like three years!

YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER




You're either in a healthy, loving relationship and the sight of your significant other brings you joy OR you're in a toxic, jealousy-fueled partnership that has more ups and downs than Tatsu and Six Flags Magic Mountain.

SOMETHING "FUNNY"



You are confident that when your phone is stolen and the thief tries to break into your phone to get your secrets, they will be so blown away by your humorous wallpaper that they will track you down and give you back your phone and say "thank you for adding years to my life with the big laugh I got from your funny background!"

About the Author

Kara Menard: Genius, filmmaker, serial careerist, unicorn rrider. I will lick you if you come into my personal space.
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